


All Hail

by bluejoseph



Category: Twenty One Pilots, Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Are you reading these?, Can you read?, Cecilos?, I use excerpts from real WTNV episodes so I apologize to Jeffrey and Joseph, Josh is Carlos, M/M, Mark dies but we don't know what happened to him, Pining, Stamps.com, Tyler is Cecil, Welcome To Night Vale/Twenty One Pilots crossover, Why?, You have so little time in this universe, and you're spending it reading crossover fanfiction, dead rats, hope you know what you're doing, nico and the niners, on archive of our own?, rip Mark, we live in a fragile universe and I, with your meaningless mortal life, wtnv - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 05:30:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16033979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejoseph/pseuds/bluejoseph
Summary: Tired of looking for good fanfiction? Scared of the unexplained blood that pours from your orifices? Confused by screams that no one else hears? Try bluejoseph. With bluejoseph, you can avoid the poor grammar and predatory birds so common in other fanfictions. You can even subscribe to bluejoseph to receive notifications to their new works, so long as you're careful to never look bluejoseph in the eyes, as this is a sign of aggression and you may scare bluejoseph away.Bluejoseph has a special offer for Archive Of Our Own readers. Subscribe now, and receive a bag of magic rocks, $50's worth of self-loathing, and the skull of a small bird. To claim your new member benefits, simply visit bluejoseph's profile, and press your forehead against the subscribe button until your entire body falls forward into the alternate bluejoseph universe.Bluejoseph will tell your family you loved them very much. Bluejoseph will tell your family that bluejoseph loves them very much. “Come here, family. You are all our family now,” bluejoseph will say, stretching their many boneless arms around your entire family. “Come here. We are all a loving family.”Bluejoseph. You live in a dead world. We love you!





	All Hail

“Thank you, Mark.” Tyler took the paper as Mark handed it to him, sipped a bit of his coffee, and adjusted his headset before speaking into his microphone. “Listeners, Intern Mark just handed me a report that says a stranger was spotted downtown. How exciting!” 

Tyler had been the host of the local Night Vale radio station for...well, that's not important. (Time is weird.) What was important was his love and dedication for his town, and reporting on the local news. Tyler took pride in being the voice of Night Vale, a familiarity in the dark pit of reality.

“John Peters—you know, the farmer? He says he saw the stranger appear seemingly out of thin air,” Tyler continued. “One minute, there was nothing there, and then, a stranger. We're not sure where he came from, or why he came to our little desert community, but are we ever sure about anything? If you see this stranger, be sure to give him a warm welcome by avoiding him on the street and hissing “interloper” in his direction.” 

Tyler paused briefly to sip his coffee again before going back to the microphone. “And now, an update on the fiasco at the National Guard Station and KFC Combo Store.”

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“Most perishables cannot actually go through the complicated process of dying, but they can certainly try. Welcome, to Night Vale.” Tyler hit the button on his switchboard and let the introducing music play. He rolled back and forth in his office chair eagerly, fingers tapping on the broadcast table with excitement. He was always excited to start his daily broadcast, but today he was even more excited than usual because he had something positively thrilling to report.

Once the music had finished, Tyler quickly rolled his chair forward again to speak into his microphone. “I have some amazing news to share with you today, listeners!” He paused suddenly, adjusting his headset. “Well. You know how I try to refrain from discussing personal matters on-air. This is your local radio station, and you rely on me to deliver news, weather, and reminders from the Sherriff's Secret Police about the dangers of being a living thing. I need to remain professional.

“But,” he added, his excited tone returning, “I just have to tell you what happened!” He put his feet up on the broadcast desk, microphone in his lap. “Okay, so I'm sure you all recall the brief bulletin I had yesterday about the stranger that mysteriously appeared in our town. Just this morning, I ran into him on the street! He was walking up and down the sidewalk outside the radio station. I was going to make a wide berth around him and hiss “interloper” under my breath as is common courtesy, but then I saw his face.”

Tyler held the microphone close to his chest, a dreamy look on his face. “He was beautiful, listeners! He had the most perfect hair I'd ever seen, and teeth like a military cemetery,” he gushed. “and I fell in love instantly.

“'Excuse me,' he said to me in a caramel voice, 'but where am I? What is this place?' Fortunately, my hospitable side kicked in. 'You're in Night Vale,' I said. 'This is the community radio station.'

“'I don't know how I got here,' the stranger went on, seeming confused. He rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. 'I'm a scientist, and I was working in my lab—writing formulas on chalkboards and boiling liquids over bunsen burners and saying hmmm a lot, and then suddenly I was here! I...can't even remember where I came from, actually.' He asked for directions to the nearest bus station, which I provided.

“I also offered to give him my number.” Tyler coughed. “In case, you know, he had more questions about our town later. He said no. But,” he added, “he did tell me his name. Josh.”

Tyler sighed, cradling his microphone like a parent cradles their baby. “Josh. A beautiful name for a beautiful man, listeners.”

There suddenly came a loud sound from the back of the building, a mix of a primal scream and a furious roar. Tyler took his feet off the broadcast desk and trembled. “Oh—oh, okay, um—that was station management, and they're clearly not in a good mood.” Another deafening sound. “Um, I think I should get back to reporting now.” 

Quickly, Tyler fumbled around through the papers on the desk and grasped the first blood-smeared one he saw. “So! Um, the Sherriff's Secret Police would like to remind you that you should never listen to your elders. They are feeble and weak, and only tell lies.”

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“This Sunday, there will be a super moon in the sky!” Tyler announced in a cheery voice. Then, he lowered his voice to a whisper. “Actually, the moon's going to be just the same as always. It's been going through a tough time, though, so it needs our support. On Sunday night, please go outside and tell the moon it looks super.” He raised his voice again. “So, mark your calendars, Night Vale! The moon sure is going to be super. This has been the community calendar.”

He pulled the next report from his stack of papers, a cheery smile on his face. “I bring you now, a special bulletin.

“DEATH. DEATH AND DESTRUCTION. THE END TIMES. CHILDREN DYING IN THE STREET AS THEIR PARENTS ABANDON THEM. ANIMALS RUNNING LOOSE. HOODED FIGURES--” Tyler stopped shouting, squinting at the paper. “Oops, sorry. That was the report Sherriff Sam issued last week.”

Tyler tossed that bulletin in the interdimensional trash can under his broadcast desk and read the next report on the stack. “According to this report, the stranger that appeared in town last week, Josh the scientist, has set up a lab not far from Big Rico's pizza.”

A grin broke out on his face. “I, for one, am very happy that Josh has decided to stay in our delightful town.” He leaned his elbows on his broadcast table and sighed. “Josh, perfect of stature and perfect of hair. So wonderful.”

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“--fire will blaze through your body, starting under your tongue and moving towards your feet. There will be flames, blue from the intense temperature, and they will devour you.” Tyler swiveled slightly in his desk chair. “Wal-Mart: Live better. This has been a word from our sponsor.

“Now, listeners, a brief editorial.” Tyler paused for emphasis, clenching his fist around the microphone stand. “Telly the barber. A traitor to our town, to our nation. This man has committed a horrible, criminal act—he cut off all of Josh's beautiful, perfect purple locks.” Telly himself was nowhere in sight, but Tyler scowled anyway. “He has deprived our town of one of its only remaining joys. Traiterous, terrible Telly.”

Tyler cleared his throat, putting his microphone back on the desk and evening his voice. “Let's move on to other news. To the family of intern Mark: he led a bright, brilliant life, like a star, and then it all exploded into a million pieces in a drastic, supernova event. He will be missed.”

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“Boy, listeners, do we have a treat for you today!” Tyler beamed. “I would give you a hint as to what this treat is, but I am physically incapable of giving hints. Today's treat is our town's resident scientist, Josh.” He smiled brightly at the man sitting in the office chair next to him. 

Tyler had run into Josh at the Ralph's the other day and asked him to be on his radio show to talk about the points of scientific interest in Night Vale. He could hardly believe Josh was here. His hair had grown back a bit more since the traitorous Telly incident almost a month prior, and he was wearing one of his casual lab coats.

“Um, yes.” Josh cleared his throat nervously. “Hello, Night Vale.”

“So, Josh.” Tyler leaned on the arm of his chair, chin in his hands, adoring eyes drifting over the man next to him. “You're a scientist, correct?”

“That's correct.” He fiddled with the pocket of his lab coat. “I study science.”

“That's amazing,” Tyler gushed. “What have you been studying in Night Vale?”

“Many things. There's so much in this community that's scientifically interesting: the lights in the sky, the hole in the vacant lot out back of the Ralph's, the brownstone spire,” Josh explained. “Lately, I've been interested in the Glow Cloud.”

“All hail,” Tyler chimed in. “What about it?”

“It's fascinating! It glows in so many different colors, it speaks in resonant tones, it makes crowds bend to its will.” Tyler had never seen such a brilliant smile on someone with that strong of a jaw. “I can't wait to find out how it works.”

“And I can't wait to hear about it.” Tyler beamed. Was it just his imagination, or did Josh smile back at him?

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“Listeners.” Tyler whispered into his microphone. He cleared his throat and raised his voice so the people listening at home could hear him. “Listeners, the Glow Cloud—all hail—is upon us, and it is very angry.”

There was a constant discordant hum as Tyler huddled under his broadcast table, microphone in hand, headset snug over his head. On the roof of the community radio station, dull thuds of falling objects could be heard.

“The all-mighty cloud has grown to an enormous size,” Tyler reported, willing his voice to remain steady. “It, um, it's blocked out the sun...” He cleared his throat again. “I'm sure those of you who haven't repressed the memories or have been re-educated by the Sherriff's Secret Police remember when the Glow Cloud first came to our town, and it dropped small animal carcasses on our streets and buildings?”

Tyler himself had been re-educated once since the Glow Cloud incident, but he'd read about it in the special Imagination Edition of the Night Vale Daily Journal.

“Well, now it's dropping larger carcasses, like deer and panthers...oh dear.” Tyler flinched at the particularly loud thud of a carcass on the roof. “The Glow Cloud—all praise—is clearly upset about something, but nobody seems to know what...People are running through the streets, the City Council is nowhere in sight, and the Sherriff's Secret Police are advising citizens to cower in fear and beg the Glow Cloud for forgiveness.”

More loud thuds, the humming somehow growing deeper.

“I should—I should find Josh,” Tyler stammered. “He's a scientist. He must know what's going on. And...” his voice faltered. “And even if he doesn't, I need to know he's safe.

“Josh, if you're out there, listening to this, then I'm coming to find you.” Tyler carefully crawled out from underneath his broadcast desk. “And for the rest of you—citizens hiding in their homes, in fallout shelters, under conveniently-placed objects—I give you, the weather.”

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

// Nico And The Niners by Twenty One Pilots

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMkYufr7LQg 

 

Δ Δ Δ Δ

 

“Good news, listeners.” Tyler breathed a sigh of relief into his microphone. “The all-mighty Glow Cloud has stopped its attack on our town. It was apparently very upset by the fact that Josh the scientist wanted to study it. Once it learned he only had respect for it, however, the Glow Cloud—all hail—relented its onslaught.”

There was suddenly a low hissing noise. Tyler looked around, then realized the sound was coming from his cell phone, which he picked up. “Oh! Listeners, it looks like I've got a text from...” he blinked at the display, surprised. “From Josh. He says he wants to meet me at the Arby's down the street.” Tyler quickly put his phone in his pocket. “I must go to him, listeners. 

“And so, from a town that has had its pleas for mercy heard, that is covered in the carcasses of large animals, that is once again as safe as we can be in this fragile, fraught universe—goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight.”

Tyler turned off his microphone and quickly left the studio, flipping off the glowing “on-air” sign as he did. Josh needed him—but for what? Did he learn something about the Glow Cloud?

It didn't take him long to make his way from the radio station to the Arby's. He arrived at the parking lot to find Josh perched on the trunk of his car in flannel and jeans, his perfect hair mussed, his perfect teeth hidden.

“What is it?” Tyler asked. “What danger are we in? What mystery needs to be explored?”

Josh shook his head. “Nothing,” he said. “After everything that happened...I just wanted to see you.”

Tyler's heart leapt. His heart soared! His heart metaphorically performed a number of aerial activities and literally, it began to beat hard.

“Oh?” He said, his voice more tremble than word.

Josh looked at the setting sun. “I used to think the Glow Cloud was odd,” he said, “but then I realized that it's a part of Night Vale, and that it's not like clouds everywhere else. Sometimes things seem so strange, or malevolent, and then you find that, underneath, it was something else altogether. Something pure, and innocent.”

“I know what you mean,” Tyler replied.

Somewhere, Intern Jenna was filing files and updating Tyler's erotic fanfiction blog. 

Somewhere, the all-mighty Glow Cloud was rumbling, now small animal carcasses falling from its heavy boughs.

Somewhere, the Sherriff's Secret Police was cleaning up the corpses of animals that would never stir again.

This all happened somewhere else.

But there, Josh and Tyler sat on the trunk of that car—Josh's car—looking at the lights up in the sky above the Arby's...and they were beautiful in the hushed twilight, shimmering in a night sky coming alive with bits of the universe.

Josh put his hand on Tyler's knee, and said nothing, and Tyler knew what he meant. He felt the same. He learned his head on Josh's shoulder.

They understood the Glow Cloud. They understood the all-mighty Glow Cloud. They understood _so much. ___

__But the sky behind the Glow Cloud—mostly void, partially stars? That sky reminded them they _didn't _understand even more.___ _

____But that was okay._ _ _ _

____“Goodnight, Night Vale,” Tyler whispered to the darkening sky, Josh's warm body leaning into his. “Goodnight.”_ _ _ _

**Author's Note:**

> Reader appreciation will be accepted in the form of subscribers, kudos, and pictures of dead rats. 
> 
> Today's Proverb: I see suns in your eyes whenever I look at you. It kind of burns and I think I might be getting a tan. We should probably see other people.


End file.
